no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
