I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize