I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
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