hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Pants 0. Shit 1.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Is it penis luge time yet?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
