I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
