I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
