Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
