Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
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