I think I just saw someone hide a body.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Randomize
