the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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