remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
