If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize