So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
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