So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
