Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize