I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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