This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
