im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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