I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
