I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
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