this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
