Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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