dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Randomize
