Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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