Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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