I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
