I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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