i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
i think i just lost a toe
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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