I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
