i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
