she was so not down for the gang bang
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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