Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
