there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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