Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
