Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
you didnt know i had herpes?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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