So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
