Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
