Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
