I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
My vagina just recognized that song.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
