oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize