no, he came in my armpit
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
