im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
