im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
