Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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