i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
You have to summon your inner elephant
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
