btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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