Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
