Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
