i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
