I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize