Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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