toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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