dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
