I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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