i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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