I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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