No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
My vagina is officially offended.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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