he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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