I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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