I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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