Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
