Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
