I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
