so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I touched a dick in church today
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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