That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
