don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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