i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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