If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
this is an emotional support booty call
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
