There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
