I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
